Fatherhood

I am not a father. Yet, I have seen throughout the course of my life examples of extraordinary fathers who have been an incredible influence on not only their own children, but everyone around them. The role of father is one that has been set up by the Lord, and is a key part of the plan of salvation. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says this of that role:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection to their families." 

On this day that we take time to honor fathers, and their role and importance in the family, I would like to share some suggestions that the Prophet Ezra Taft Benson shared that fathers all over the world may increase the effect they have on their children in the area that it seems to be lacking most in our world today: the spiritual. As I do so, I wish to also honor my own father, who has be an incredible example to me of each of the suggestions given.

President Benson said, “With love in my heart for the fathers in Israel, may I suggest 10 specific ways that fathers can give spiritual leadership to their children."

1. "Give Father’s blessings to your children. Baptize and confirm your children. Ordain your sons to the priesthood. These will become the spiritual highlights in the lives of your children."

      Having a worthy priesthood holder is indescribably important for a family wishing to continue to progress spiritually, and take advantage of the abundance of opportunities that the gospel provides. My dad was always there. He baptized me. He ordained me to every office in the priesthood. His hands were on my head along with the Stake President as I was set apart as a full-time missionary. Every step along the path of my priesthood progression, my dad was there. Indeed, they represent some of the spiritual highlights of my life.

2.  "Personally direct family prayers, daily scripture reading, and weekly family home evenings. Your personal involvement will show your children how important these activities really are."

As we look for more examples of extraordinary fathers, we can find them rather easily in the Brethren of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. The testimonies of their children give us insight into how fathers can guide their children in the little tasks of keeping up spiritually. Of his father, Elder David Bednar's son said, "He has always gone to the real sources: the words of the prophets and the scriptures...[He] taught me to set goals and exercise faith. I want people to know that he is an ordinary man who can do extraordinary things because of the strength of the Lord. He is a living witness of the enabling power of the Atonement." Indeed, those daily moments of scripture study and prayer, along with weekly family home evenings, can be powerful moments of instruction, wherein a father can set a foundation for his children: a foundation of Christ. As was directed to the ancient Israelites: "These words...shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

      3. "Whenever possible, attend Church meetings together as a family. Family worship under your leadership is vital to your children’s spiritual welfare."
   
      That same scripture from the Old Testament directs that we as parents, including fathers, should teach the words of eternal life in the home, as well as "when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." There is certain power that comes when a priesthood holder can attend church faithfully with his family, and lead the way in doing so. The mothers of this Church are so very faithful and proactive in getting their little ones ready for meetings. What foundation can we lay in the minds and hearts of our children if we as men can exercise our priesthood, teaching our children "by the way" as we are proactive in assisting our wives in the task of prepping for church attendance? As I have looked back on my childhood and adolescence, I have realized how much I took for granted the blessing that it was to attend church with my entire family, with my mother and father leading the way. We shouldn't let that be withheld from our children because of laziness or pursuits in far less important endeavors on the Sabbath. 

   
      4.    "Go on daddy-daughter dates and father-and-sons’ outings with your children."

   
   5.   " Build traditions of family vacations and trips and outings. These memories will never be forgotten by your children."

   
      I consider myself to be as blessed as Nephi, in the sense that I was also born of goodly parents, who instructed me, and helped build my faith. Likewise, just as Lehi, my own father often "dwelt in a tent." Camping was (and still is when possible) our great family tradition. We took our trailer to the mountains, to the beach, and seemingly everywhere in between. It was there that we were able to build our unity as a family as we played sports, played board games, and especially as we were forced to be around each other in a very small pop-up trailer. Indeed, experiences like these will never be forgotten. As we strive for such experiences, we can experience the joy that the great King Benjamin describes: "For behold, [these families] are blessed in all things; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God [and together] in a state of never-ending happiness" (Mosiah 2:41).

      6.     " Have regular one-on-one visits with your children. Let them talk about what they would like to. Teach them gospel principles. Teach them true values. Tell them you love them. Personal time with your children tells them where Dad puts his priorities."

      Elder Neil Andersen's children have spoken of the great strength they received by personal time with their father. His daughter said, "Daddy always made time for the children. For example, he took each one individually to breakfast with him once a month. He let us pick the place for breakfast and the topics we would talk about. We looked so forward to having his undivided attention." Many of the problems that our children have, especially as they get into their years of teen angst and rebellion--that time when we seem to feel that nobody understands us--can be solved as a humble and genuine father takes time out of his probably very busy schedule to give their undivided and full attention to the concerns that their children have. A small conversation, ending with a hug and one of the most powerful combinations of three word phrases known to man--"I love you"--can make all the difference in the lives of our growing children. 

   
      7.    "Teach your children to work, and show them the value of working toward a worthy goal."

      I remember a day when I was about fifteen when my dad came to me, and told me that one of the great regrets that he had in his life was failing to earn his Eagle Scout. He invited me in love to not make the same mistake, but instead to make it a goal to get mine. It took me to the last day, as I finished up my last merit badges a day before my 18th birthday, but I did do it. As I would look at the hard work necessary to keep going forward, and wonder if it was worth it, that invitation that he gave me would come up in my mind. He was there to help me during my Eagle Scout project, which turned into a lot more work than expected because of several setbacks. He was always there to keep me going, because he knew what the reward would be if I would just keep going. He was a rock, and the epitome of a principle Paul taught: "Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; and make straight paths for you feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed" (Hebrews 12:12-13). Such should be the constant attitude of fathers to their children.

   
      8.     "Encourage good music and art and literature in your homes. Homes that have a spirit of refinement and beauty will bless the lives of your children forever."

   
      The Lord told Joseph Smith, "Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith" (D&C 88:118). He also told Emma Smith, "For my soul delighted in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads" (D&C 25:12). These blessings are real, and I saw them in my home. We were encouraged to read, and to listen to music. My dad would play the piano and the guitar, and music has become something that he and I share, and it has been a blessing in my life.

      9.      "As distances allow, regularly attend the temple with your wife. Your children will then better understand the importance of temple marriage and temple vows and the eternal family unit."

      There are few things that we can teach our children that are more important than the eternal importance of the temple. It is there that families are bound for time and for all eternity. It is there that the more important blessings are promised and opportunities are provided. Eternal priorities may be set in the hearts and minds of our children as we attend with our wives. They will know that the goal for them is temple marriage. They will know that there is nothing more important in terms of our worship than to live worthily of a temple recommend. It is a lesson my parents have taught me, and one my dad continues to teach, as he serves weekly and faithfully as a temple worker.

      10.   "Have your children see your joy and satisfaction in service to the Church. This can become contagious to them, so they, too, will want to serve in the Church and will love the kingdom."

      

      Just as Lehi gained a great desire that his family should partake of the fruit he partook of, that fruit representing the gospel, and most specifically the Atonement, we as father's must do all that we can to provide our children with the opportunity to be successful in the gospel. At the end of the day that is what is most important. As we provide them with powerful examples of what faithful service is, they will have a blueprint. As we strive to live the gospel, we will be able to testify as Lehi: "As I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knee that it was desirable above all other fruit" (1 Nephi 8:12). And the Lord will help us accomplish it.

      I express a Happy Father's Day to all you fathers, and especially my own, and pray that you will continue to guide your families toward that goal of eternal life.